When two sex drives agree to disagree

All couples must, at one point, face the challenge of reconciling two distinct and changing sex drives. It’s normal to have to deal with moments when one person wants sex while the other doesn’t. However, if these situations are not managed well, they can become a significant source of conflict in a relationship.

To help you deal with these moments, I suggest the Charter of Desire taken from the book by French author Gérard Leleu  Le traité du désir. You can take it as is or use it as an example to design your own personalized version. The important thing is to get along even when our libidos don’t see eye to eye.

  • In sex, both partners have equal rights.
  • Each partner has the right to want and initiate sexual contact.
  • Each partner has the right to refuse a sexual advance.
  • The person who desires sex more must make efforts to understand the reasons why the other does not.
  • The person who desires sex less must make efforts to remain open to sex. Like with eating, sexual appetite can sometimes be stimulated by engaging in sexual contact. (my translation)
Taken from Le traité du désir, Gérard Leleu, Éd. J’ai Lu, 2004, 348 pages.