How can I last longer during sex?

I’m 21 years old and ejaculate too quickly when I have sex with my girlfriend. I’m okay during oral sex but as soon as I enter her, I orgasm. I’m frustrated and so is my girlfriend. What can I do to last longer?

I understand your frustration and so do an estimated 1 in 3 men who, like you, wish they could last longer during sex. Premature or rapid ejaculation is caused by a man’s inability to manage his sexual arousal in such a way that would allow him to remain below the orgasm threshold. Ejaculation is a reflex that cannot be controlled voluntarily. So once a man has reached a certain level of sexual arousal, he faces what is called “ejaculatory inevitability”, the point when he’s about to cum and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. Luckily, by learning how to monitor and manage sexual arousal, a man can learn how to prevent or delay ejaculation.

Here are some techniques you can practice to stay below the orgasm threshold. It’s best to practice the first two while you masturbate so you can then apply them with your partner.

  • First, become aware of body signals that indicate various levels of sexual arousal. As a man gets increasingly aroused, changes take place his body: heart rate increases, breathing becomes more rapid and shallow, muscles contract, penis becomes harder and scrotum rises towards the body. These body changes will be your cues to tell you how far along you are in the sexual arousal process and whether it’s time to make adjustments so you can cool things down.
  • Two of these body changes are under your voluntary control: your breathing and your muscles. So to slow down the sexual arousal process and delay ejaculation, focus on taking deep slow breaths and relaxing your muscles during intercourse, especially those in your buttocks, abdomen and pelvic floor (To identify your pelvic floor muscles, stop urination in midstream. These are your pelvic floor muscles).
  • When you have sex, don’t jump into intercourse. Take the time to get used to sexual arousal by having lots of foreplay. Enjoy different types of touch and stimulation before penetrating your partner.
  • When you do penetrate your partner, make sure you’re at a moderate level of sexual arousal before doing so. If, on a scale from 1 to 10, 0 is “not aroused at all” and 9 is “the point of ejaculatory inevitability”, make sure you’re at a comfortable 5 or 6 before you enter her.
  • When you initially penetrate your partner, insert your penis gradually, step-by-step and pause before you begin thrusting in and out. That way you’ll be able to make adjustments as you go (breathe deeply, relax muscles) and make sure you don’t get overly stimulated.

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